Siri, can you suggest some music for me? How about one of these; Pink, U2, Coldplay, The Ordinary Boys or The Spider Brothers? The Spider Brothers? The Spider Brothers Who are The Spider Brothers? The Spider Brothers were born in 1994 over a mutual respect for keyfobs. Tom Kay was quoted as saying 'I actually love keyfobs', to which Tomas Lindsay replied 'I actually love keyfobs also'. The band consists of two members, each with their own hands feet and faces. Most of the time they do but there are times that they don't. Although having released fourteen albums within the first year of their career they have only actually written. One album. Just before Kurt Cobain shot his face off he was quoted as saying 'The Spider Brothers are fucking shit, and that's why I like them'. Alright then, play 'The Spider Brothers'. Okay. Feast your eyes's...

I'm letting you have my cat While I'm away I'm letting you have him Are you listening? I'm letting you have my cat I'm going away for a... only for a little bit He's not yours for keeps you know? It's my cat I'm lett... please look after him You're not listening are ya? It's my fucking cat It's my fucking cat I'm lett... please take good care He... He can't fend for himself you know? You have to look after him Who is it? Who? Who? Who? Fucking please Do do do do do Do do do do do do Do do do do do He's fucking ... look Please, please Please look after him He doesn't know right from wrong He's no bother He's no bother He just doesn't know me half the time Please Fuck it I'm fucking begging ya Listen to me, look after him Please

Are you ready for the latest tune from The Spider Brothers? We'll stick one up your daughter and then one up your mother You better take heed to the words I just said or else I will shoot you and then you'll be dead It's not our fault it's your bitch we wreckin' You can't beat me up because I'm ace at Tekken I know all the moves and don't press one button like you I'm also on the last boss in Rayman I'm the hardest grafter that you'll ever see (I'm the man!) Except for manual labour that don't interest me In fact I don't really do much ever If you wanna make something of it then I'll give you stormy weather You know the code that I live by Don't trust anyone except for me Mum and Dad I trust my Grandad too because he lets me print stuff out on the computer Yeah turn my swag on Said I looked in the mirror said whats up whats up whats up Yeah Get money Ohh Turn my swag on (where's me drums gone?) Look in the mirror say whats up whats up whats up (oh there they are) Yeah Get money Yeah Turn my swag on Look in the mirror say whats up whats up whats up Yeah Rat-a-tat ginger, I hate mingers Fight you in the park and fuck you up I won't fuck trannies, don't rob grannies Heigabandganda satcha trannie Dear slim, I wrote you but you still ain't calling I left my cell, my pager and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in August you must not have got them There probably was a problem at the post office or something We harder than nails, nails are tough I ain't scared if you wanna get rough Tom Kay makes a wicked curry If you don't believe me then fuck off Don't try and trip me up because I'll stay on my feet Sometimes I have revels as a bit of a treat I like revels Try and rhyme better, you won't be able to Try and rhyme faster, you might be able to I don't care if you might be able to Might doesn't mean you definitely will Pimpin' ain't easy but it's just what I do If you say it's false I say it's true true true Don't start on me because Ill finish up on you Play Up Sky Blues Beast mode beast mode, I'm in beast mode Nothing you can do to get me out of beast mode Want to have a go and get me out of beast mode? I bet you can't get me out of beast mode Don't be dissing my clothes We'll become your foes I'll bust your nose That's the way it goes The way the river flows The way the wind blows The water's froze It's blocked my hose It's the life you chose The door will close Bitches and hoes Game of Thrones You know we're pros I hope it snows Rhymes with toes We're The Spider Bros

Ready Salted Lamb and Mint Cheese and Onion Paprika Salt and Vinegar Prawn Cocktail Roast Chicken Texas BBQ Worcester Sauce Flamin' Hot Nice 'n' Spicy Pickled Onion Scampi Roast Beef Original Smoky Bacon Sour Cream and Chive Onion BBQ Beef and Mustard Bacon Rashers Rib 'n' Saucy Spicy Tomato Cookie Dough Cheesy Cool Original Chicken and Thyme Tangy Cheese We The People sweet Chilli Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons Chilli Heatwave Salt and Lineker Steak Flame Grilled Steak Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar Luftwaffe Crisps Nice Crisps Lovely Crisps

Eric Portlock, he owns this shop He sells stationary to young folk He can make you a ruler, a rubber or desk The only problem is they're made of flesh A well known loner, who sleeps all day He's nocturnal like a bastard He grabs his victims on a Friday night As they enter his chip shop Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong? He'll peel your skin off and crush your bones Twat your spine into a Blendtec Remove your arsehole and break your nose Turn your skull into an ashtray He'll turn the length of your arm into a ruler Oh yeah Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong? This went on for 15 years before he was caught by a local bobby He recognised a pencil of his as that of his missing wife The biggest clue was the faintest tattoo, a tattoo of a heart that read 'I love you' Now Eric sits all alone in a cell Asking himself... Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all go wrong?

Going down the beach with my bezzy friend today What activities do you want to do, Tom Kay? Shall we go and try and catch some crabs down in the rock pool? I'm more than happy to do that if you do something else for me Well what is it that you want me to do for you? I suggest that we build sandcastles at first I'll only do that if you do something for me What do you suggest I do for you my bezzy pal? I want you to do my goggles up real tight so I can go swimming without fear of them falling off OK but let me say this I'll only do that if you do one thing for me What do you want me to do? I'm about to tell you I want you to make sure I don't get sand on my towel so when I lie down it goes in my bum And on my feet coz it takes ages to dry off and it itches my feet I'll only do that if you give me a lift down to Aldi, they're doing cucumbers for 30p They're also doing four other kinds of cheap fruit and vegetable I'll only do that if you come with me to the bloke that sells the Orangina And I'll have a can or maybe if they've got them in glass bottles I'll have a glass bottle I'll only do that if you buy me a choc ice and then take off the wrapping and feed me the choc ice I'll only do that if you promise to not get choc ice down your chest like when we went to Bournmouth I can't guarantee that Will you come with me to the edge of the beach and dip your toes in the pool? If you promise you will I will promise to give you a blowy Deal

Middle of the album, go and grab yourself a coffee Hope you've got your coffee, here's the second half of the album

Fuck War Here we go Waste Dan you've got no fucking hair Why are you always fucking late? Where's your fucking 206? You look fucking shit in your latest car Kate's too fucking good for you You'll never be as good as your fucking dad You've always got fucking hoodies on Tell me what you do in your fucking job Daniel Taylor When you speak (fuck yes) Daniel Taylor All I hear is (fuck nyugh) Daniel Taylor Bullshit (taste me) Daniel Taylor Bullshit Taylor Fuck Woah Beekidoooown You always fucking give me lifts to college You're always fucking leaving early Layla's not your fucking dog Whyshugggadyna fade away You're too fucking proud of your fucking golf clubs Your birthday's too fucking close to mine You don't even like fucking football You've always been a fucking loyal mate Daniel Taylor When you speak (fuck you) Daniel Taylor All I hear is (hate hate) Daniel Taylor Bullshit (dirt soil) Daniel Taylor Bullshit Taylor Fuck Skull Yes Synyster Gates Bullet for My Valentine Evenged Sevenfold My Chemical Romance Green Day The Offspring Sum 41 Blink 182 Fuck No Ahhhhhhh Fuck

Tosspot Bagalagasa magadoogooshugudi Aluku Abasoodu yoodoomuhso Lagamersah labadagdi Askanindo yamanenda Iggydiggygigahdi hagadebanda Hyurghbadagased hyurregeddo Heskalttadiento chintoyheoro Cinco diggydiggydinko Habaleba socolaabadad Alusso anerobackadackatick sucolara Luca lopo loco Issalando habidendo Hyigharosieh andfernando Hymigaladnigekoh deyhkoh Heeteesuhs onbeachball Millysuggerandoh sygodigah Alapookohsupo deghyeaah Aloopodopudah Oohselamehydoh Goodmuzikmuzik verygoodmuzik Ariagolib dagazuzik Ihymyadoolum dhryagazoosig Puttryindhoosu taylorswift Rigashadoolegesehleh Uhgalaga Uhlegashymyalaga Muhtensihtohseezalegghyenditdgoalagacaesarsalad Khyaghaalandigo Kheesemeetumgyeeh phon yhon Gariandohscheegeedeegeedi Schoeorda ooschyaledoh Taka allookosokoo Atakkatataakatakootaktakaa Alahkoo Atahngkalumboh Si Ciao

Her name came up as DrAgOnPrInCeSs94 And I'd never seen a face like that before There she stood inside the middle of a war Performing witchcraft I fell in love with a girl from a game In 50" 1080p she looked insane So I asked to be told her real name She said 'It's Toni, with an I' I suggested we meet up in real life Said I'd cook dinner and if she wants she could stop the night When I answered the door I got a fright It was Tony, with a Y It was a man all along Byohooohoohohoooh

Yeah Oh Let's go Yeah Tinie Tantrum Oh Oh Yeah Yeah they call me Tantrum I get frustrated when the last bus don't come I get annoyed when I get phone calls from my daft mum Saying 'Tinie, what time are you getting home son?' Yeah I'm a star now Shouldn't be waiting for the buses in the dark now If the bus had come on time I'd be at home now Eating Pot Noodle in my knickers with the lights down Don't want to sound like a bitch but I'm upset The sign says due but the bus isn't here yet I get so angry when it's here but my seat's gone To some prick playing music on his telephone And some girl's at the front saying loudly down the phone That she got fingered down the pub The bloke to the left coughing up some bits of lung What's happened to the world? I fucking hate buses He's a bad man yeah He wants to get on the bus He's a bad man yeah Who's had the last Metro? He's a bad man yeah Fare's gone up by 10p again He's a bad man yes he is Should have got a daysaver Yeah I'm so livid Which is unlike me coz I'm timid But the buses at this time are frustrating There's a tramp at the back masturbating I lay my head on the glass But take it straight off coz the windows shakes I've ended up with a headache What's happened to the world? I fucking hate buses He's a bad man yeah He wants to get on the bus He's a bad man yeah Who's had the last Metro? He's a bad man yeah Fare's gone up by 10p again He's a bad man yes he is Should have got a daysaver Let's go Yeah Yeah Tinie Tantrum Woah Oh Yeah Yes he is Yeah No Have you got £1 for the bus mate? Don't do it any more Yeah That's enough Pass out

I've just bought new shoes and I'm extremely proud of them I can't do up laces so I had to get velcros They light up at the back for when you're walking through the forest nightim... at nightime They're yellow and black and green and white but the yellow bit's orange They've got a four inch sole which I'm very happy with coz I like soul music I can't wait to take them off to put them back on again They've got wheels in the heels and heels full of wheels When you put the heel down you get the wheelspin, really wheely heel Wheels I'm in love with shoes they're my favourite footwear I wear them on my feet for seven days a week I even wear them on tuesdays I love my shoes, my brand new shoes I love shoes, do you like shoes too? As well? Hi, my name is...

Girl I love you much Give you my last pound for the bus I'll do all good things and stuff I won't call you slut when we sexing rough If you want to go to Pontins I'll take you down to Pontins I've never been to Pontins but I'll go with you to Pontins I've heard that Pontins is good Shall I book Pontins? Do you want to go Pontins? I'll keep the fridge stocked up with eggs Buy you a washing line and some pegs So you'll never need to worry again When you overfill the tumble dryer Wipe my piss off the toilet seat Not walk ahead when we're in the street I'll take you up to the stars above But all I need is one digit of your love Peace I'm the man For your heart All I need Is a digit up my arse Girl you're seriously the one for me I aim to please that's how I be When we're going round Aldi I'll even try my best To carry more than one bag in each hand (fight) I'll stop opening your post And reading the contents out loud or in my head to myself Also if I've got quite a few crisps left Then I'll be more than happy to let you have one I'll tell you that your hair looks nice Or say something like 'have you lost some weight?' Depending on which one sounds more realistic At that very moment in time I'll do all this and I might do more And it isnt really much that I'm asking for I'll take you up to the stars above All I ask is for a digit of your love I'm the man For your heart All I need Is a digit up my arse All your life I've had your back All I need Is a thumb up my crack I just... I just really want you to stick a finger up me arse That's all I want I'm the man For your heart All I need Is a digit up my arse All your life I've had your back All I need Is a thumb up my crack Yeah Ohhh All I need is a thumb up my arse Stick it right up baby Oooooooohhhhh Stick your finger in me Yeah baby Shove it right in I don't wanna gyahaahya Can you feel my stomach? Feel my lungs? Feel my heart? Feel my tongue? Oh baby Yeah